Within ten minutes, my physical body would become very hot and my arms and legs would start to feel thick, heavy, and fat. Then my body would suddenly get thinner and very far away. My ears would buzz and ring and then be filled with a rushing sound just before they plugged up. The core of my head would vibrate and hum. Colors would swirl and I would feel sick to my stomach.

Then the being that I knew as “me” would come up out of the top of my head, bringing a sense of relief, but also making me feel very far away and disconnected, like I was back in my bed dreaming the whole nightmare. I had trouble making my arms and legs move, and when I talked, it felt like a stranger with a heavy voice was speaking through me, saying things that I would never dream of saying around my parents.

My somberness and withdrawal were always apparent, and I usually ran into people or things because it was difficult to control this machine called a “body.” I had split perception, too, seeing people and the mall from just above my head and vaguely from somewhere above the crowds. I was clammy and feverish.

Within a few hours of returning to the safety of home, my second chakra would begin to glow again, arousing me and causing me to feel very vulnerable and exposed. Then my body would be flooded with the most intense and wonderful thickness, a rush of sexuality, fire, joy, and deep emotion as my light body reconnected with my physical body.

In my mid-twenties, I found out that this was a clinical condition known as dissociation, or being “split off” from reality, and that many war veterans experience it. But it was almost another ten years before I understood that these were actually out-of-body experiences that occurred while I was awake.